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| (from page 1) How to Crash a Chinese Wedding By Lia Relova |
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While sitting there I couldn't help but
compare the Filipino weddings I've been to with the
Chinese one I was in now. Ok, they've got some things in
common, like Karaoke. Quite a standard in every Asian
gathering. So far, every Chinese wedding I've crashed
--er-- been to has a) a professional singer b) a nervous
relative attempting to sing and c) the bride and groom
serenading each other. But there is nothing quite as
entertaining as, say, Tito Roly's* "Dahil sa
Iyo" or Lolo Carpio's* "Evergreen" in a
thick Bisayan accent ( *The names have been changed to
protect the party animals). Make sure you bring dark
glasses. The rotating disco stage lights can give you a
headache after a while. The most action you'll ever see at a Chinese wedding is the elevator music version of "Ave Maria", sung in Mandarin (everyone was looking absolutely bored ). At Tita Mercie's * wedding, (*name kept intact to embarrass the party animal) I'm used to everyone moving the tables (you know, the ones with the 300-pound lechon) off to one side, stacking the chairs up and – wow!-- I didn't know mom could do the swing! Mom? Mom! Please come down from that table! (Oh yes, Lolo and Lola can also do a mean cha-cha after only one glass of champagne.) As I was reminiscing over Tita Mercie's wedding-turned-disco ( where the highlight of the evening is always the "electric slide") I slowly realized that after 3 glasses of coke and cognac, the Chinese karaoke singers began to sound good. I was actually beginning to have a good time, except for the slight coordination problem I was already having with my chopsticks, and OMIGOD MY FINGERS! I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS! WHERE THE HECK ARE MY ARMS??!!! After the room stopped spinning, I recalled some of my own relatives' attempts at live singing, of course after fortifying themselves with something stronger than, say, San Miguel Beer. The beauty of alcohol is that they won't remember a thing (other than what's actually captured on videotape). At Tita Mercie's wedding, about, oh, 15 (slightly tipsy) relatives piled up on that tiny wooden stage to sing the pinoy version of "We are the World", followed by some 1970's "Hagibis" classics or what sounded somewhat like it. I couldn't tell anymore since my ears were ringing from all that laughter and clapping around me. Oh, yes…and the throwing of the bouquet (not a featured item in a Chinese wedding). Yes, all the eligible bachelorettes get to gather 'round the bride and some lucky gal will catch that ever-so-coveted bundle of ready-to-wilt flowers and….Huy! Lola! What are you doing here? (She's fighting her way to the front of the group….man, I didn't know she was that feisty!) In the end, well, Lola makes off with the bouquet. (Interesting how none of the men are going for the garter.) The Chinese wedding, with all due respects, was quite elegant and very nice, and I went home with a new cultural insight and all 25 of my fingers (my arms were back too). After Tita Mercie's wedding, I inventoried the damage: 20 pounds, torn stockings, sore throat and feet, Lola's reputation and oh-god-I-can't-believe-I-did-that-on-videotape. Just wait until my brother's wedding. I'll get him back then! [page 1] |
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