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Threads : Is this tacky?

From : MPC (IP: 62.147.150.138)
To : kevins_gal

03 Jun 2002 08:53
Message : 31 of 37 (ID: 1.824.7)

In Reply to Message ID : 1.824.1

Hi Kevins gal,

I so want to be supportive and say "go for it!" but I have to be honest and say that I think that a cash bar is tacky at weddings. Now, perhaps this varies by region! Also, if you have no guests from out of town, perhaps this would be OK. But if there are guests who are paying for plane tickets, outfits, and hotels, (not to mention taking off a couple of days of work) to come support the bride and groom on their special day (remember...it is a HUGE day for us, but for our guests, it is another day...special, but not the be-all and end-all), buy them a fairly expensive gift...well, I don't believe that a guest like that should have to open his wallet and search out five bucks at my wedding, for any reason.

I also don't think a wedding is the place to "party" either....getting drunk at a wedding or abusing the bar is tacky too!

Possible solutions: check with your reception place...when they say you must use their bar, they might just mean that you can't bring in outside alcohol. I can't imagine that they would force you to buy cocktails (but again, maybe this varies by region?). Maybe you can save money by limiting the alcohol consumed... Can you just buy carafes of wine for the tables and beer and wine for the cocktail hour? Can you perhaps have waiters with trays distribute drinks? (to avoid people just getting in line over and over?) That way you can manage the quantity (just limit the number of waiters!)...which will save on both money and unwanted drunkedness. Or, just do a toast and a glass or two of wine during dinner...nothing says you need to serve tons of alcohol (or any at all, really).

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a simple affair without tons of expensive wines and drinks....as I said in a previous post, I think having a wedding is like having friends in your home for dinner. You can serve a five course meal, or you can serve a big bowl of spaghetti, and they are both fabulous in their own way. But, I don't think serving a five course meal and then asking everyone to chip in some cash at the end is very classy. Much classier is the bowl of spaghetti.

I understand your position, because I am paying for my own wedding too. Another option I am considering: I may just have to cut my guest list down a bit....I know that other brides out there might disagree with my philosophy...but I believe a guest is exactly that....a guest.

Again, just my opinion, I know that regional norms vary.

best wishes,
Melissa

From : angellcg (IP: 24.209.13.240)
To : kevins_gal

01 Jun 2002 16:27
Message : 32 of 37 (ID: 1.824.6)

In Reply to Message ID : 1.824.1

I think as long as you let your guests know ahead of time that it is a cash bar, then it would be ok. I went to a wedding once where the guests were not told it was a cash bar, so they did not bring any money with them. Some of the guests were pretty pissed, when they also then had a money dance, and there was a money tree. All of that put together, ended up being pretty tacky.

We are having a limited bar, only house liquors, domestic beer, and one or two types of wine. We are also thinking of the option, where we tell the bartender the limit that we want to spend on drinks, for example, $400, then when the tab gets to that much, the guests start having to pay for their drinks.

From : Garys_Bride (IP: 199.72.90.133)
To : kevins_gal

01 Jun 2002 11:44
Message : 33 of 37 (ID: 1.824.5)

In Reply to Message ID : 1.824.1

I read somewhere that is very poor ediquet (sp?) to have the guest pay for anything in the reception.
Do you have to use the bar at this reception location?
If I were you I would consider using a different location unless you've already paid for it.

Gary's Bride

From : DougCrystalWed (IP: 152.163.201.72)
To : kevins_gal

01 Jun 2002 10:44
Message : 34 of 37 (ID: 1.824.4)

In Reply to Message ID : 1.824.1

I don't think it's tacky, however you might want to mention it to people that it's a cash bar, so they are prepared to pay for their drinks. We are having one hour of an open bar during our cocktail hour and making sure there are plenty of horsdorves so people don't get so trashed. Also our hall provides two bottles of wine on the table with dinner, so we figured that this would be plenty of alcohol for our guests and if they want to drink more, then they will have to pay for it. I agree, people take advantage of an open bar and really get crazy. Our hall actually said to just have the open bar for only one hour b/c it's too expensive and more of a liability.

Good luck!
Crystal

From : Pinkpooh99 (IP: 172.174.75.160)
To : kevins_gal

01 Jun 2002 10:29
Message : 35 of 37 (ID: 1.824.3)

In Reply to Message ID : 1.824.1

I don't think it tacky at all! In fact we are having a cash bar also! For one we can not afford the expense at all and another which kind of ties in with the expense my grandma use to work at a recpetion hall and she said when they would have open bar all the time guests of the wedding would go up order a drink, drink half of it set it down somewhere forgot where they set it then go get another drink and do the same thing. Afterwards when the crew was cleanning up she said there was always full to half full glasses sitting everywhere! Also I think it helps people from not getting trashed, because it is their money they are putting out. We are however paying for pop, punch, tea, coffee, and we are actually paying for only 2 kegs. We are getting kegs however only 2 so nobody will be standing there drunk from the kegs! Plus one keg will be OLD STOOL and who else is going to drink that besides my dad and Dustin's dad! YUCK! haha
Teri

From : peachybell (IP: 170.215.98.75)
To : kevins_gal

01 Jun 2002 03:38
Message : 36 of 37 (ID: 1.824.2)

In Reply to Message ID : 1.824.1

I went to a wedding, where at the door of the recepetion place, guest of age were give a ticket for the bar. I think they gave is two tickets, and after your tickets were gone, then you had to pay. Personally, I do not think it is rude. Weddings are expensive, and if you are on a tight budget, then alcohol is an expensive thing to add. If the tickets are controlled, then everything is okay. The problem that Robyn had with her wedding, is that her mom was a lush, and she kept handing them out to people. If you have some at the door greeting people then they could hand out the tickets, then give them back to the bartender when everyone has come in...that is just a suggestion, but asking your guests to pay isn't tacky.

You don't have this option b/c your reception place is making you use the bar, but my fh and I are doing 2 things. One is that a winery is close by, and they are giving us a deal on 2 cases of wine. We are going to buy the wine for toasting purposes, and a good friend of ours is a bartender. We are giving him a budget to buy the alcohol, and he's gonna bartend for us, and when stuff runs out..it's gone..but our families are more beer drinkers, so it probably won't be much. One of the things my fh wanted was beer, so I've incorprated beer into my theme...country stuff, so I'm getting a galvanized horse trough, and i'm gonna decorate it, and we are filling it full of ice and beer...Sorry to babble..it's too late and I need to get to sleep..hope this helps.
Peachybell

From : kevins_gal (IP: 64.34.206.121)
To : ALL

01 Jun 2002 01:55
Message : 37 of 37 (ID: 1.824.1)

I just have a question. My fiance and I were talking about having guest pay for thier alcoholic drinks. Neither my fiance or I really drink but the place where we want to have the reception makes you use thier bar. So we were considering a "cash bar" for alcoholic drinks and then we would just pay for the sodas and punch, (non-alcoholic drinks). The reason for this is that we both recently attended a wedding where it was an open bar and people really abused it, to the point of becoming completely trashed. Is this idea tacky?

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