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Threads : We are orderig our invitations, but first I would like your opinion
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From : Lisa ( - 205.243.200.32)
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28 Mar 2000 07:19
Message : 1 of 9 (ID: 7422)
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for the last time. I am sure that you are all probably sick of hearing about this invitation delima w/ my FMIL and how she says the invitations should read. Well, this is what we have pretty much decided on. I really want my mothers name on the invitation also, not just my father and my step-fathers. But yet, I want my step-fathers on there because he has been my dad for 15 years... I have searched the threads here and "the Knot" for proper etiquette (sp) and this is the best I could come up with:
Mr. Danny Soandso(real Dad)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Gregory(step dad)and Nancy(mom)Soandso
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Lisa Ann
to
Jamie Lee Soandso
son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Soandso
Saturday, the seventh of October
The year Two thousand
at two o'clock
St. Ann's Cathoilc Church
111 S. Main Street
Hereweare, Wisconsin
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From : AmyC ( - 136.167.187.234)
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28 Mar 2000 08:02
Message : 2 of 9 (ID: 7424)
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Lisa,
My opinion is that having
Mr. and Mrs. Gregory and Nancy Soandso seems too awkward to me. It's redundant. "Gregory and Nancy Soandso" is fine, but I suspect that you want the formality of "Mr. and Mrs." I have never seen both first names included when Mr. and Mrs. are used.
By using Mr. and Mrs., you're combining Gregory and Nancy into one. In general speech and writing, it's either "Mr. and Mrs. Soandso" or "Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Soandso." And on invitations, it's "Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Soandso."
Also, you should think about putting your mother and stepfather first, then your father. Also, consider leaving out the "and" between their lines. (This is just my opinion, but it's based on some of the standards I've seen for name order and also the structure of the invitation. That way, the reader's eye is drawn to "Lisa and Jamie," further down the page.)
One other note--by your wording, it seems like you're going for the traditional style. Are you deliberately not saying "Mr. Jamie Lee Soandso"? I'm just asking because that's the strictly traditional format, to which you seem to be adhering in most other points.
I'm going to paste in a couple of items from the Crane invitation site at
http://www.crane.com/weddings/sets/browse_bluebook.html
It specifies that, strictly speaking, your mother's married name, "Mrs. Gregory Soandso," should appear without the "Mr. and" since supposedly only your parents are "giving you away," but I think that's a flexible area. In your situation, I would include your stepfather. It's my opinion, though, that it should be "Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Soandso," without both their first names.
I think I've included these before in previous responses to your situation; forgive me if it's unwelcome quoting!
*****************************************************************************
Divorced Parents
Some of the most difficult situations in wording wedding invitations occur when
the parents of the bride are divorced. There are simple and straightforward rules
to handle these situations but sometimes emotions take control of circumstances
and render these rules inadequate. You may find yourself unable to follow the
prescribed rules of etiquette to a tee for fear of offending a family member or
creating additional, unnecessary tensions. If you find yourself in this situation,
you may choose to go a different route and find wording that is both
appropriate and innocuous. Etiquette is intended as a guide to good taste and to
facilitate good relationships and the comfort of everyone. Therefore, in such an
instance it is entirely appropriate for you to stray from the accepted rules.
The proper way to word an invitation when the bride's parents are divorced is
to list the names of the bride's parents at the top of the invitation. Her mother's
name is on the first line and her father's name is on the line beneath it. The lines
are not separated by "and."
If the bride's mother has not remarried, she uses "Mrs." followed by her first
name, maiden name, and married name. The old etiquette called for using just
her maiden name and her last name, preceded by "Mrs." The change evolved
over the years as it was increasingly felt that the old usage was too impersonal.
When the bride's mother is divorced from the bride's father and has remarried,
she uses "Mrs." followed by her husband's full name.
Why isn't "and" used between the names of divorced parents?
By using "and" between the names of divorced parents, you create an additional
line and a competing center of attention. With the extra line your eye is drawn to
both the top of the invitation and the center. It should be drawn directly to the
center where the names of the bride and groom appear.
*********************************************************************
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From : amgbraden ( - 204.50.126.10)
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28 Mar 2000 08:10
Message : 3 of 9 (ID: 7425)
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Talk about slow! I was reading the names of your parents, and thinking how strange it was that your dad, mom and stepdad all had the last name until I stopped and thought about it. Duh! So and so. *sheepish grin* I'll be alright. :) I think your wording sounds good, Lisa. When you were first talking about it, it seemed like there would be too many names, but it doesn't read that way at all. Nice job!
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From : bvan ( - 198.111.1.249)
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28 Mar 2000 08:51
Message : 4 of 9 (ID: 7430)
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My input: I never heard of putting "the year two thousand" and wondered if "Danny" was his formal name. I'd also add a blank line bewteen names and ceremony info to break it up.
Mr. Daniel Soandso
and
Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Soandso
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Lisa Ann
to
Jamie Lee Soandso
son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Soandso
Saturday, the seventh of October
Two thousand
at two o'clock in the afternoon
St. Ann's Cathoilc Church
111 South Main Street
Hereweare, Wisconsin
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From : Lisa ( - 205.243.200.32)
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28 Mar 2000 10:17
Message : 5 of 9 (ID: 7436)
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Yes, Danny is my father formal name i.e. - the name on his birth certificate and all. And I was really wondering about the year 2000 thing and all. I am so glad that I asked one last time. I think I have it now. I agree with the too many words with my Step father and mom first names but yet I really did want to have my mothers name on the invitation also. I will do it as Mr and Mrs. Gergory Johnson and knock out the and in between the two names and put the space in between the date and ceremony name and address. The only thing is that then that will be 15 lines. I wonder if that will be to much. Well, since I have the basics, I will keep you all informed on what the "Expert's" at the store say.
Thank you all for your wonderful answers and all of your support so far on everything! It is greatly appreciated :)
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From : margi ( - 207.154.86.71)
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28 Mar 2000 11:44
Message : 6 of 9 (ID: 7443)
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You mean the mother and father, step father, AND new husband and family don't all have the last name Soandso? I was thinking maybe you were from Arkansas! Ok..bad joke..sorry. Please don't anyone take offense! It really reads like a last name.
The experts will help you tremendously! I called my invitation catalog company on the phone twice with these type of questions and they were extremely helpful and had answers right away. I know what you mean about including your mom's name. You could ask her if she thinks the wording is okay. I involved my mom alot in helping me with the wording..simply because I didn't want to offend her in any way.
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From : Shella ( - 207.220.172.12)
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28 Mar 2000 23:01
Message : 7 of 9 (ID: 7471)
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Ok, I know it is late and I am exhausted (I just got home from the hospital as coach for my best friend as she finally had the baby - she was 36 weeks at my wedding and she was my MOH)... but I can't figure out why everyone has the same last name. Someone please help!
Regarding wording... don't you just love divorced parents?? This is what I did to solve it.
Because you have shared in their lives
through your friendship and love,
the honour of your presence
is requested at
the marriage of
Shella Dawn Bagger
to
James Travarca
etc...
It solved the problem, because then no one was requesting the presence. Everyone that was invited knew my parents were hosting it, and this way no one's feelings were hurt because someone was or someone was not included.
I had never seen it this way before, but it made sense to us.
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From : margi ( - 209.240.200.77)
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29 Mar 2000 08:42
Message : 8 of 9 (ID: 7493)
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Shella, That's pretty smart. Soandso is so-and-so. I really like Shella's wording, but It looks like you're on the right track. Isn't this about your step-mom? What will your dad say about it? Have you talked to him?
Shella, Congrats to your friend with the new baby.
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From : Shella ( - 192.251.188.99)
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29 Mar 2000 11:18
Message : 9 of 9 (ID: 7509)
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Thanks Margi! She is so beautiful. This is the first baby in my circle of friends (kind of odd since we are all 30+) but well worth the wait!
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