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Threads : Is this too harsh?
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From : MargieL (
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23 Mar 2000 00:20
Message : 1 of 19 (ID: 7136)
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I’m back with another dilemma…the wording on my response card. I’m getting married on a yacht that holds 149 people max. I cannot exceed this number due to Federal Law. The charter will be keeping a head count and if I exceed this number, any guests beyond this number will not be permitted to board. Well, first, we’ve decided to have an adult only ceremony/reception (both held on the yacht) and second, we need to somehow convey this law on the response card so people do not bring children or extra guests. I would normally do the proper invitation etiquette thing but I know some will ignore this and will either bring their kids or extra people. My parents have told their respective families but I know (from my siblings past wedding experiences that isn’t going to be enough). I’m having a buffet, so I will not be able to use menu cards. On the response card I’m thinking of writing the following:
The favour of your reply is requested before May 31, 2000.
John Doe
&
Jane Doe
&
Joe Doe
______ number of persons
______ accept with pleasure
______ decline with regret
Due to Federal Law, the yacht’s maximum capacity is 149 people, thus, only those names that appear on this response card will be able to board.
Ouch, I realize this sounds harsh but I’m unsure what else I can do. All feedback is greatly appreciated!
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From : Renee ( - 209.5.215.10)
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23 Mar 2000 00:57
Message : 2 of 19 (ID: 7143)
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Could you somehow issue little boarding passes?
To tie in with the idea that only those names listed on the response card will be able to board?
You might have to do this informally, but it could be cute and allow you to be creative. Perhaps a cut-out shape of a boat or rectangular, and made to look like a ticket etc with the address of the dock (or harbour or yacht club), and time of departure etc., and their name.
It is hard because a lot of times (in our area) people assume that anyone can come to the ceremony, but the reception is by invitation only.
Or if you just wanted to change the wording a little on the response card - how about:
Capacity on board the yacht is limited, and only those names appearing on this response card will be able to board.
I just think that part about Federal Law and 149 people is not necessary for them to know, and you should be able to get the idea across in a more subtle manner.
Good luck!
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From : Carol ( - 209.196.110.107)
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23 Mar 2000 13:02
Message : 3 of 19 (ID: 7144)
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..I am not much help, but I do know that I would definitely leave out the 149 people part.
Let me think on this one.....
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From : Jill ( - 152.163.201.211)
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23 Mar 2000 13:03
Message : 4 of 19 (ID: 7145)
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I really like the boarding passes idea, you could make them on the computer on heavy paper, and would would go nicely with your reception. I would wait until you get the response and then send them out to them. If the number invited exceeds the number responded, then send a note explaining the situation. You could even send these passes via e-mail, if you wanted to save some money on postage. I don't know if that would be your way of doing things though.
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From : Janet ( - 204.48.27.130)
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23 Mar 2000 13:16
Message : 5 of 19 (ID: 7148)
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I don't think you need to make any specific changes to your response card. I think if you get a response for more than those specifically invited then you can give them a call and explain theses special circumstances to them. IMHO I think it looks a little tacky to put it on or include it in the invitation packet in any way.
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From : bvan ( - 198.111.1.249)
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23 Mar 2000 13:17
Message : 6 of 19 (ID: 7149)
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I'm with Jill and Renee. Make it known on the boarding passes that only those names that appear will be able to board. I would send these out with your invitations. I think this is a REALLY cute idea anyway! It will serve a dual purpose.
If you KNOW certain people plan to bring extras, why not delete a few names off your list just to make sure there is room? They could go on the "B" list, and as soon as regreats come back, you could send them an invitation. It may be easier than stepping on people's toes by calling and saying, "Sorry, you can't bring so and so." I can't believe people assume they can bring whoever they want to your wedding, but I know it happens.
P.S. Your wedding sounds like tons o'fun!
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From : margi ( - 207.154.86.71)
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23 Mar 2000 13:38
Message : 7 of 19 (ID: 7153)
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Putting names on the response cards would take so much time. I don't know if you're ordering them or making them at home ..but if you're ordering them that would be quite expensive to have the invite company put individual names on each response card. If you're doing them at home..then that wouldn't be so bad.
This is to the ladies that already got married... were there alot of uninvited guests at your wedding reception? Did people who were invited bring extra people that weren't included on the invitation?
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From : Jill ( - 152.163.201.207)
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23 Mar 2000 13:52
Message : 8 of 19 (ID: 7155)
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I would never bring a guest that was not invited to a wedding!!! What would they do if there is assigned seating? I am hoping that will solve my problem, Sorry no seat for you!
Actually, my sister only had one uninvited guest, and three who did not show up, she was lucky, I guess, PO'd but lucky.
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From : Suznyc ( - 204.143.177.186)
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23 Mar 2000 15:23
Message : 9 of 19 (ID: 7163)
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We only had one uninvited guest, but she was the date of someone who was invited. He called at the last minute to ask if she could come, and since we had the space due to a few last minute regrets, it was no problem.
I love the boarding pass idea. Very clever. As far as including the capacity comments on the response card, part of me says no, but part of me thinks it's probably a good idea. Given your unique situation, it makes sense.
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From : Andrea M. ( - 141.140.61.15)
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23 Mar 2000 16:16
Message : 10 of 19 (ID: 7176)
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We had a couple of no-shows, balanced out by a few who hadn't RSVP'd but came anyway. It was no problem in our case. In fact, one of my dad's very old friends showed up at the ceremony (he was one of those who didn't RSVP), but then didn't come to the reception (I think because of a concern for the kind of issues raised here). When I realized that he hadn't come over from the church with everyone else, I felt awful. I kicked myself later for not saying to him in the receiving line, "How delightful to see you, and I so look forward to visiting with you at the *reception*!!"
MargieL, I'd go with Renee's gentler wording, or some version of it...
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