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Threads : To Live Together Before Marriage?
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From : JenniferLynne ( - 208.33.198.21)
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12 Mar 2000 23:19
Message : 1 of 83 (ID: 6297)
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Hi, I just saw a brief on couples who live together before marriage and since, many threads seem to get quite opinionated, I thought I would start a new conversation about this. We live together now, and plan to get married within the year, we spent so much time together at each others places it just made sense for us to get one place and pay one rent, bills, ect. I think we have a much stronger relationship now than we did before. Okay, so what are your thoughts, and what problems do you forsee with the future of couples that live together?
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From : Jennifer ( - 64.19.45.22)
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13 Mar 2000 07:16
Message : 2 of 83 (ID: 6306)
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I don't see a problem at all with couples who live together before they are married. Chris and I are like you guys, our relationship is stronger and it makes more sense to pay one set of bills instead of paying 2 sets when we were together all the time and stayed at each other's place.
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From : Dee ( - 216.154.1.105)
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13 Mar 2000 08:02
Message : 3 of 83 (ID: 6311)
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From : Tracey<
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13 Mar 2000 08:57
Message : 4 of 83 (ID: 6312)
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We felt the same way! In fact, I'm moving in with my FH in about 3 weeks. It made more sense for us to move in and save for the home we'd like, rather than trying to come up with an ungodly amount for a downpayment AND pay for our wedding.
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From : amgbraden ( - 204.50.126.10)
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13 Mar 2000 10:09
Message : 5 of 83 (ID: 6316)
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We have been living together for almost two years now, and it has definitely helped us. We knew how much we loved each other and enjoyed each other's company, but had to first see if we could "live" together before we take the plunge and make it official. It definitely took some getting used to, but we are now accustomed to the other person's habits, and have developed roles, routines and guidelines that have helped us to live in harmony thus far. I would hate to have just jumped right in and got married before that though. What if I couldn't stand when he did certain things, or we just couldn't handle sharing the same space? Practice makes perfect, as they say... :)
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From : bvanderwill ( - 198.111.1.100)
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13 Mar 2000 10:15
Message : 6 of 83 (ID: 6317)
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Due to bad timing (my roomie got married and I had
to find a place to live) I moved in with my
boyfriend of 3 years. I wasn't all for it, but
was desperate at such short notice. I've always
been a firm believer in commitment (in my book
that means a proposal -- I know many will
disagree) before living together. I've always
thought about living together as an "easy way out"
and that you would be more likely to take the
"easy way out" of a marriage as well. I know
everyone says you get to know eachother better and
find out if you are compatible as "roomates". But
isn't that what marriage is all about? Getting
closer, solving problems, living with eachother's
bad habits, etc...
I'm glad Pete proposed after a month of my moving
in. It worked out perfectly. But my opinion is
this: If you know you want to MARRY eachother,
why take the easy way out? If you are already
engaged and have that commitment with eachother,
then it's good practice for the real thing.
P.S. It does make wedding planning easier when you
live in the same house!
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From : Blueyed
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13 Mar 2000 10:59
Message : 7 of 83 (ID: 6322)
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Ok ... Rob and I moved in together whenI was leaving for college. He was in the service and was desperate to get off post. So i had to guys for roommates. Robert and his friend Joe. We always had a blast. Well Rob got hit by a truck and was forced to get out of the Army so Joe moved back on post and it was just us. Well Robert got a new job and moved in with my mother actually...lol because it was closer to his new job. I kept the place in Auburn. Web found us ahouse last wekk. They finished the painting and now we're just waiting for it to dry!!! Hooray!I Since I have been spending all my time at my mother's house anyway so we decided that Robert could go ahead and move into the new house and I would move back in with her until after we get married. I always thought I would be married first, and so this makes me feel alot better too. Alot of people say that living together takes the excitement away although I think you need to to make sure you are compatible. We have waited on the sex issue. He has been married before, but it will be my first time. When we talked to our pastor about us living together he said in his day it wasw unheared of but he actually suggested it to couples before they got married, even if it was just a trial run. We know we can live together w/o kiling each other... but we want to do it the way it is supposed to be dont in our eyes too. That's why he's moving in early by himself.
Sorry for rambling.. lol I was trying to watch a wedding story while I was typing ..lol
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From : Ami ( - 131.104.128.224)
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13 Mar 2000 14:07
Message : 8 of 83 (ID: 6333)
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My boyfriend says he is not in favour of "big steps" so we are moving in together. Therefore, we had to have the talk about "what would be different" and "what makes marriage not just a piece of paper". I was very against living together at first for the same reason that bvanderwill was. If you love each other and know that you want to marry each other then why all the baby steps first? Part of this is me wanting a big, new stage in my life. Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be? The starting of a new life together? When it became clear that Derek was not going to propose anytime soon, I had to make a choice and I realized that it didn't make any sense to continue paying two rents and two sets of bills, when we spend all our time together anyway.
Do any of you have any suggestions for how I can handle the fact that I want to be getting married and I'm not? Usually, I am a down-to-earth Libra, but this is making me crazy. We have talked this subject to death and Derek has said that he loves me and wants to marry me, but he is simply not ready. We are both 23 and have been dating for a little over three years. I am finishing a Masters of Science degree and am ready to move on to a new part of my life.
Seriously, if moving in together is a small step and marriage (after you've lived together) is not different, then will I ever get a new and exciting aspect of my (personal) life? If living together is the same as marriage, what is making him not want to get married? (please try not to tell me that its a fear of committment, like I said, we spend all of our time together)
I'm afraid of everything just running togehter ...baby step...baby step...baby step.
I apologize for the disjointed thoughts, this topic gets me rambling as I try to spit out all my thoughts at once.
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From : justme ( - 209.90.235.226)
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13 Mar 2000 14:48
Message : 9 of 83 (ID: 6335)
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Why bother with a wedding if you are already living together? I cannot figure these people out who spend all sorts of money on this huge wedding when they are already living together, and have all the "aspects" of marriage without the "paper"! I think you should just go to a JP and make it legal! Whatever happened to morals anymore?!!! The easy way isn't always the best way! I feel you should wait until you get married to live with each other, I also feel you should wait for marriage before you (gasp) sleep together!! I am probably the only person who feels this way, but I am curious as to what others think which is why I am starting a new thread on the subject! I'm ready for the onslaught I know will come! Why bother with a marriage at all if you are just living together, just think, then you will have all the trouble of going through a divorce when you could just move out! Okay, now that I have completely offended everyone, I'll go! I haven't written before, just read everyone else's thoughts, but I'm speaking up now!
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From : crentz ( - 216.80.10.83)
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13 Mar 2000 15:32
Message : 10 of 83 (ID: 6340)
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Hi, everyone.
My humble opinion is that you should follow your heart and do whatever you think is best. My personal opinion on the subject is that sex before marriage is *almost* inevitable, and I applaud anyone who can wait. When you really love someone and want to connect with them, though, it's *very* hard. I've always disagreed with it, from a morality and religious view, but I'm a hypocrite, too, because we couldn't wait. Oh, well.
As far as living together---I don't necessarily think it is immoral (that's iffy), but I do think that living together takes away the "specialness" of the first night together, in your own place, as husband and wife. I can't wait until that first night that we are alone in *our* apartment as husband and wife. However, I realize that this is not important to anyone, and I also understand that sometimes it's a matter of convenience. My fiance wanted to move in before marriage because I will be moving in there in October, and the marriage is in November, and he wanted to just get it over with all at one time instead of renting a truck twice to move stuff. But, I put my foot down and said that it made me really uncomfortable and would feel anti-climatic to me. So, we're not. Hope this helps! :-) Good luck,
Christine
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